Hey dude, what would happen if you feed a zombie with actual food instead of brains?
Well, they're gonna survive, just like real humans.
Wait, what?
We've done a test on this before. This is why we do it to the surrendered zombies here.
Really?
Yeah, I shit you not.
But why?
Because Zomboss tricked them to eat human brains instead of normal food by scaring them till they give up. It's just a gambit to make them his slave. We've done a double-blinded, randomized, placebo-controlled test to see if zombies were affected by the kind of food they eat. Part of them were given actual human brain, and the others were given some kinda meat with really soft texture, shaped like a brain.
Holy shit, that's fucking disgusting. But how? How can you get all those real human brains?
Simple really, we took dead bodies of people in death row, criminals, things like that and extracted their brains. Then we fed the zombies those things. Disturbing, but effective. Besides, the government works with us, so there was absolutely no issue in conducting the test.
I think I'm about to puke after hearing that (*gets nauseated*).
You alright?
I am. But still though, why would Zomboss do this? Why don't he trick them with some other shit?
Because he's a genius. If they eat human brains, he could turn the bodies into zombies, increasing the number of his "army" at disposal.
Goddamn.
Trust me dude, I have to tell you this. Zomboss is ***not*** a human, at all. He's an extrasolar lifeform who has powers beyond our current understandings of things. You know why he has that oversized brain? It's because he's that. It's as if he was a really mutated superhuman or whatever and turned green or shit.
Like aliens?
Yes.
B-but, how did you know this?
We have his brother. Younger brother. We kidnapped him when he didn't notice. You see why Zomboss was worrying about something for more than 8 months? That's because his brother was missing. He knows it. But we've disabled all kinds of devices that he could use to track him down, so that's why he never figures out where he is.
Holy shit dude.
He's also a genius. He's 8, but knows a lot of vocabulary. He can speak English very fluently. We gave him IQ tests and it appears that he scored even much higher than Einstein in all of them. He's also really creative, more of a super-human, but not a human. Super-zombie, shall I say. His long-term memory saves most, if not all of the things he sees and listens.
Damn. Where did they come from though?
I don't know.
What? They must have been from the same planet, or whatever!
Well, he knows it, but all he gave was complete nonsense no one could understand. He gave me this extremely cryptic code and he claims it's his "planet". I don't know. This is beyond comprehension of present-day humans. Whatever these beings are, they must be so advanced that they might well be from the other galaxy! Andromeda, LMC, Mice Galaxies, IC 1101, I don't know! Maybe he warped here through some wormhole and he desperately wants to go back home! Maybe their understanding of physics is completely different that they could travel beyond the speed of light. Who knows!
So they're some kinda genius lifeform.
Exactly. You know why all of our current strategies failed against him? That's because this fucking lifeform, whoever they are, learns from weaknesses and mistakes and ensures they ain't never gonna happen again! Sure, he fucked up a lot of times, but you're never gonna be able to beat him the same way next time. If we wanna kill him, we must know his weakness we haven't used against him, and that's difficult.