- Can it be said that we are still ourselves when we have changed in someone else's pattern? Can this be said especially in the case when we want to be like him and not be what we were? And what if someone wants to be like us; are we a role model for others and someone they can look up to? However, if we did not change, would we be worthy of setting an example? How do we know that this is still our path and when have we gone astray?
- So many questions that few people know the answer to, yet we all ask them. At least I always thought they were. Ever since I realized who I am and that I don't want to be like that anymore, I've been asking myself: if I change, will I still be me? But did I want it to be me? Did I want something left in me that I could call my "me"?
- There are questions that only our soul knows the answer to. Those answers cannot be expressed in any words, perhaps only emotions that are difficult to define; they are non-transferable.
- Sometimes when the realization and guilt hits us, we don't know how to deal with it. My guilt was so great that I saw death as the only way out. I couldn't think of anything stupider at that moment. I couldn't think of anything that could balance what I did. And yet there was a possibility that only Aneth offered me. I don't just owe her my life. I owe her my soul.
Aneth woke up, like every morning, very early. She slept very restlessly, as if she sensed that something would be wrong when she woke up. She dressed in her white robe, combed her hair and went out into the hall. She didn't know why, but she couldn't resist walking down the long corridor to the room where Thomas was staying and knocking. It had been two days since she had seen him and she was starting to worry, even though she knew he was shy and often wandered around the monastery alone. She waited a moment, and when she didn't get a response in the form of footsteps, she knocked once more, aware that it was very early in the morning. No one answered the second time either. So she pushed the door and peeked into the room. The bed was empty.
So she went to look in the refectory. Few priests were there at this hour, so it was unlikely that he would find Thomas there. She didn't find it.
She shook her head. There were still a few places left for him to be. She made her way to the scriptorium and the library. She couldn't find him anywhere. She didn't know why, but she started to panic. She tried the monastery gardens and the chapel.
Thomas was nowhere to be found. Maybe he'll show up, she reassured herself. She didn't even know why she was so worried about him. After all, he could leave at any time, no one forced him to stay in the monastery. Still, she felt like she should find Faol and tell him.
She found the Archbishop, unlike Thomas, praying at the altar in the temple. She knelt down next to him, waiting for him to notice her. Faol actually opened his eyes after a while and looked at her.
"May the Light be with you, dear Aneth. what happened? You look caring."
Fortunately, even at that moment, Aneth gathered enough composure to answer him politely: "Even with you, father." She was silent for a while, as if asking herself whether there was any point in troubling the archbishop. "It's about Thomas. He is not in his chamber, nor the scriptorium. I looked everywhere."
Alonsus would have told her that Thomas could leave at any time and no one was keeping him here, but a shadow crossed his face at her caring tone.
“We're sure to find him somewhere, Aneth. Don't be afraid," he reassured her and stood up himself. The priestess followed him. “If you feel that he is not here in the monastery, then he is either in the city or beyond the city gates. But the question is whether it is right to look for him.'
Aneth knew she was being tested. He himself knew a lot. The light told him many things; thanks to him he knew where to go. But apparently he was only acting as a mediator in the matter, and she had to decide.
She looked at him determinedly and said, "I know I have to find him."
"Then we should hurry. I will have the horse saddled."
Aneth nodded gratefully. In these moments she was glad that Alonsus was the way he was.
Both Aneth and Faol sensed well that Thomas had not returned to the city. They both estimated him too well for that. He didn't want to go back to the city and never really liked going out there. So they set out on horseback immediately outside the gates of Stratholme. They agreed to split up. Aneth turned west, Faol decided to search the area around the river Thondroril and the forest to the south beyond the bridge.
What was I thinking, Light? Aneth thought as she rode through the dark forest, the treetops barely caressing the rays of the rising sun. The forest is huge. If he's here and doesn't want to be found, I won't find him.
Nevertheless, it was as if the Light was guiding her, as if she knew at which turn to turn and where to go. Faol had good questions: was it right to go looking for him? He didn't have to stay in the monastery, he was there voluntarily. So wouldn't it just be an interference in his life and his decisions? Was he in any danger? And if so, why didn't she just let him go? She didn't know it at the time, but her soul had somewhat different plans and reason had no weight in the matter.
She stopped at a nearby dilapidated watchtower. She dismounted and made her way to a dilapidated structure that had not been used for many years; no one knew why. New buildings are being built just as others are falling into disrepair. Something drew her to the tower, even though many people would be repelled by the darkness of the surrounding forest. But she wasn't afraid. Light was with her wherever she stepped. She had no reason to be afraid.
She rubbed her palms together, more out of habit than to ignite the Light in the same way that the rubbing of wood against wood ignites a flame, and indeed a glow like daylight spread over her palms. If there was a ray of light, she would shine with it. She never wasted Light, but Light searched for lost people better than fire.
She entered through the broken door and looked around. The light in her hands illuminated a decaying table and several chairs, stones that had fallen from the decaying top of the tower lay on the ground, and a mouse squealed nearby. It had been unpleasantly damp on a warm day, but now there was that piercing cold chilling to the bone. And Aneth only hoped she wouldn't find a decomposing corpse here. Such places were made for it.
She searched all corners but found no one. She didn't think of going up the stairs, because a few meters above the ground it was already broken and a crucial piece was missing.
He's not here, she thought with considerable melancholy. He just wasn't here and she really didn't know where to go anymore. If he decided to leave, he could be miles away.
As soon as she turned she looked at a place she hadn't seen before and hadn't even thought to look into. The light in her palm only briefly illuminated the pale face, but she could still make it out perfectly clearly.
Without a word she ran to him and knelt on the cold stone. At that moment, she didn't even notice that she hit her knees hard and if it weren't for her white cassock, she probably would have torn them to blood.
She was about to reach out to him to see if he was breathing or if he even had a pulse. If he had really been here for two whole days, just sitting there, it could only mean that he had no will to live. Why? She could only surmise. His head rested against the cold wall, his arms by his sides. He looked like a helpless puppet.
"No," he whispered almost imperceptibly as she reached out for him. Aneth was stunned. He looked terrible, he didn't even look at her, but apparently he still sensed. "I didn't want…you to look for me," he added after a moment, his voice fading.
Aneth shook her head. So she guessed right. Still, she put her hand on his neck. She almost flinched at how icy his skin was and his pulse was weak.
“Thomas, why?” she hissed indignantly. She knelt there in that dilapidated tower, the interior of which was dimly lit only by the glow from her palm. “Why did you run away? Why do you want to die?'
“You should have let me go… Faol should have let me go…” he whispered, only moving his purplish lips imperceptibly, otherwise he didn't move.
"Do not say that."
“But yes…I will.” Thomas seemed to laugh weakly at that moment. "He should have beheaded me. It would be much easier. For you and everyone else.”
"You got a second chance. Don't you understand?” Aneth didn't even notice that tears were falling from her eyes. "You've worked on yourself and you're still working. Why are you giving up now?'
"Give up?" The tone of his voice gave her goosebumps. "I'm not giving up anything. I pay for what I did. I have taken the life of several people… it doesn't matter if they deserved it or not… I have no right to decide how much life time someone gets and if I have the right to take it away. No one has the right to take something from someone for which he should be responsible himself..."
Aneth was so shocked by such a sudden change that she forgot to speak or try to help him.
"Dying not knowing… what I did… would perhaps be better than the weight… that came upon me with that realization." Thomas opened his eyes and tried to look at the priestess. She was crying and not saying a single word. “As we walked… to that soldier… I realized how definitive death really is. I realized what I had done… and that so many lives would not pay for anything. Maybe not even my life, but I'll give it up anyway. Don't cry for someone like me. You can't see into my head, you don't know how I think and what I'm like... I'm not worth it to you, believe me.” He tried to create at least a weak smile on his frozen face. He did it, but the priestess failed to notice him. “Go and don't mess with me… there are a lot more people who need your help.” He closed his eyes as if he had nothing more to say.
"Can one death redeem the lives of others?" Aneth asked rhetorically. She wasn't sure if she thought she was more for herself. Thomas was perceptive though, and the question forced him to start thinking, even as his mind began to slow down as well. “Will the Light be for the death of a man who didn't even try to fix what he did, or for the death of someone who was able to do something about it? Things happen and they happen for a reason. And people who have done evil but repented shine brighter than those who never needed to repent.” Thomas looked at Aneth and measured her inquisitively. The priestess began to suspect that she was beginning to win. "The light has big plans for us, which we chose in advance ourselves. What if those people served a much greater purpose? What if they were to lay down their lives for someone who was supposed to repent and become better and save dozens of others?” She quickly wiped the tears from her face as if to give herself courage. “I don't know what the Light has planned for you, Thomas, but I know it's something big and important. I believe that… and I won't leave you here.”
Thomas looked at her with that exhausted look that is a sign that he is one foot here, the other on the other side. He was almost touched that she went looking for him, but he didn't want that. He didn't do it to convince himself that someone would miss him. He really wasn't such a psychological blackmailer. He just wanted to pay for the crimes he committed and thought his death would be at least a partial payment. But apparently she wasn't.
“The fact that you realized it and want to atone for it means you're not damned. Why pay with death for something that can be redeemed by good deeds that we can do in the time we wanted to deny ourselves?”
"How?" he whispered after a moment. He slowly stopped perceiving his surroundings.
"There are a lot of people in the world who need or will need help. But you have to come back with me.” She knew that Thomas couldn't make it in this state and was ready to heal him. But she didn't want to help him until he agreed with her. If she saved him and he didn't want to, he'd run away again in a few days or find a much quicker way to end it.
"Okay…" he said barely audibly that Aneth could only tell by the movement of his stiff lips. He seemed to have stopped breathing.
“Thomas?” Aneth shook him. He didn't respond. "Thomas!" She put her hand on his neck. Before she could do anything, his heart stopped.
It is not for nothing that it is said that the determination to stay alive can make our heart beat again, even when it itself has decided to give up. The spirit is decisive, the body is just a tool for us, a suit that controls our higher consciousness. Even a torn coat without one sleeve can be worn again, if only for a temporary period. At that moment, the light lends us a helping hand and can lead us back through the dark tunnel to the coat from which we got out.
That's exactly what happened to Thomas. The experience of touching death is perhaps the best thing that can happen to us in our entire life, even if it doesn't seem like it at first glance. We see the other side, we already know what it looks like there, and we are not afraid of the unknown; we know what to prepare for and that there is no rush. When we go back, we realize how fragile life is, how easy it is to be here and be gone in a second. Thanks to this experience, we love the wind on our face, no matter how icy it is, we notice the flowers in the meadow, we perceive the rustle of the leaves in the forest, we are able to look at the stars for hours and not go to sleep, because sleep only takes away the time when we can perceive life and everything alive around. Everything moves, nothing stops. After day comes night, after day comes day. When someone dies, someone is born.
The question is: can we perceive all the little things around us until we know how easy it is to lose the time of life that was set for us?
Thomas touched death, but only briefly. The light wanted him to touch her and bring him back to earth.
He would have walked himself so as not to cause the healer unnecessary trouble, but his legs refused to carry him. Aneth asked the Light to give him protection and not let the cold blood flow into his heart that could cause it to stop instantly. The Light seemed to be able to keep enough heat in the bloodstream for Thomas to recover.
He couldn't speak, could barely keep his eyes open. Everything was like an echo, even his breath. The beat of his heart rang in his ears; as if he heard him rather than felt him. He coughed, the icy air cutting into his lungs. Still, he tried to at least walk to the horse that was waiting for them at the tower.
He didn't even remember how the priestess managed to get him on the horse's back, but that didn't matter. He only remembered bits and pieces. He alternately perceived, then fell back into semi-unconsciousness. He awoke once at a crossroads where he heard Faol's caring voice. Then the clatter of hooves on the city pavement woke him up. And finally how several pairs of hands help him out of the saddle. Then he didn't remember anything. He fell into a coma, as if the body told itself that it could afford it in the safety of the monastery.
Aneth sat in the infirmary and read a medical book in her free time. There was an occasional groan of pain, then a choking cough. Healers were always busy. One who did not master the Light thought that healing someone was like snapping a finger. It wasn't. Light was a power that was here for all, but even such power should not be wasted. If the disease a certain person was going through was his destiny, then he had to go through it himself, and only the Light watched over him and gave him the strength to handle it. If death was his way, it led him safely to the other shore.
The healer glanced at Thomas' pale face as if to make sure he was still breathing. It had been several days since he was brought back to the monastery. He was breathing but weakly. He was asleep but not yet awake. He was so pale and cold that Aneth sometimes couldn't help herself from rushing to him and countering his pulse.
The light kept him here, but what kept him here more was Thomas' own will to live. Only the body told itself that it needed to gain strength and recover.
Over the past few days, Aneth found herself wanting to be in the infirmary instead of the nurses who had been there overnight. She didn't know why she was so drawn to Thomas after that incident. The words he spoke to her were as if from another person. Certainly not from a person raised on the streets. Maybe Faol wasn't wrong after all. But we'll see when he regains his strength.
"How's he doing?" came a voice that brought her back to reality.
Aneth looked at Faol and stood to show her respect. The archbishop was a little smaller than her, but he radiated a much bigger and more powerful spirit.
“Sleeping, father. Five days already,” she told him, putting her fingers to Thomas' neck. The heart rate didn't change, which wasn't twice the best, but at least it didn't change for the worse. "I can't say at all if he'll wake up."
“He has a great will, Aneth. Will is what keeps us here. If we choose to leave, the threads that hold the soul in the body will begin to loosen on their own,” Faol reassured her.
Aneth looked at Thomas for a long time, as if the conversation was closed for her. "You knew," she said after a moment. "You knew what he was like and you didn't even really know him."
“He only suspected, dear Aneth. Everything else was up to him.”
The healer told herself that it would probably be true. “There in that tower… he was saying something. And what he was saying wouldn't just be said by some person raised on the streets. How is it possible that such a soul has not been taken care of before and everyone has overlooked it?'
"We only notice what harms us. We do not seek what is hidden from us. It was his way. Now it's his fight. And he will win it. I'm not worried about that.'
“Can I stay here father?” she asked as he was about to say goodbye and leave. "I'll also take over for Sister Elin if need be."
Faol surveyed her silently with a smile as if he knew more than the others and then nodded. "If that's what you want, talk to Elin. She likes to rest. Let the Light guide your steps.”
"And yours," Aneth replied, slowly sitting down next to Thomas's bed. It took a long time for her to grab the medical book again and begin.
The hours passed, the day turned into night, and Aneth was still staying up late. She didn't even read anymore because the candlelight didn't suit her. She checked on the wounded and sick from time to time, but otherwise sat exclusively by Thomas's bedside. Finally, the amber light of the east began to shine through the stained glass windows.
"You should go outside," said a weak voice as the healer closed her eyes in exhaustion. The faint voice made her pay attention. She looked at Thomas to see if it was really him. He didn't move, his eyes were still closed. But after a while he denied her this claim. "You've been sitting here for days. You should get some fresh air. It's a beautiful day outside.'
Aneth felt as if a large stone had fallen from his heart. He was slowly coming to his senses and who knows if he wasn't aware the whole time and just couldn't react.
"How do you know it's a beautiful day outside?"
"I hear birds singing," he whispered barely audible.
Aneth listened. From outside, there was the occasional chirping of birds, which woke up early in the morning, when even people had not yet woken up. She looked at Thomas. She didn't know why she did it at that moment, but she gripped his icy bony hand and said, “I'm glad you didn't give up.”
Thomas would have answered her if he hadn't been so terribly tired. She didn't know if she was dreaming, but she saw a smile on his face for the first time in the time she had known him. He had never smiled before. He had no reason, as if his emotions were suppressed by the cruel life.
Without realizing it, she smiled too.
Thomas waited until the healer was finally tired enough not to keep him under surveillance. There was no fatal case in the infirmary, so Sister Elin sometimes left for herbal decoctions and left the sick unattended for a while. At that moment Thomas tried to sit on the edge of the bed. The word "tried" described the moment perfectly.
His head was spinning and he hadn't realized how pale he was until now. He could only lie down, and as soon as his body began to move, the real suffering began.
He sat up on the fifth try, his head spinning. As if even this simple movement made him unusually strong. Lungs rumbled and he coughed briefly. Fortunately, he did not wake the patient, and even if he did, it was not unusual in the infirmary. He tried to feel his chest. It didn't scare him too much that he reliably felt the ribs. He often had nothing to eat and that's why he ate very sparingly even in the monastery, but he already understood why Aneth was prompting him to start eating the way others eat.
He made an attempt to get up; he immediately became dizzy, his eyes went dark, and he woke up on the cold floor.
There was a disgruntled grunt from his neighbor, who was lying on the next bed with a fever, but otherwise no one objected to the noise. Thomas clutched his head as he had hit it really badly and hoped he wouldn't get a monocle by morning. But after all, the bruises on his body were nothing new either.
He gripped the edge of the bed and clawed his way back into bed with a huge effort. In that moment, when he was alternately vomiting, then terribly hot, and then shivering with cold, he understood that he was not going to get back on his feet anytime soon.
He preferred to cover himself with a blanket and told himself that he would try to walk the next day.
Aneth did not return to the infirmary until two days later. Thomas was in good hands, but she still couldn't shake the feeling that she should keep an eye on him. Thomas' bed was empty. At first she was frightened that he had given up after all, until Sister Elin came to her and said:
“Oh no,” she shook her head and pointed to the exit from the infirmary, “he just went outside. I didn't want to let him go, but he got his way."
Aneth thanked her and hurried out the door to the monastery gardens. It was unusually warm in autumn, and there was only a mild breeze. However, Aneth knew it would get colder during the week, and it was certainly much colder in Lordaeron City.
She found Thomas on a bench by the fountain. Perhaps the most sun shone directly on that spot. He was wearing a linen suit from the infirmary and his blanket was draped over his shoulders. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be listening more to his surroundings; the singing of birds and the rushing of water rather than trying to perceive something and someone else.
Aneth sat down next to him and watched him for a moment. It seemed to her that he didn't even register her.
"Why were you looking for me?" he asked after a while. His eyes were still closed, more out of exhaustion than wanting to just listen and feel the wind.
"I don't know," she said, not knowing for sure herself. "At first I thought it was your business…but then something told me I should go find you."
"I didn't want it to seem like I was just trying to see if anyone would miss me."
"I thought about it, but when I talked to you in that tower, I understood why you left." She clasped her hands together in growing nervousness. That never happened to her. She was often nervous, especially in front of people who were wiser and more learned and who radiated a noble aura. But it was a little different with Thomas. "In that forest… in that tower… you killed someone there."
Thomas opened his eyes at that moment and stared at her. He was not aware that he would do something so terrible again. But Aneth looked at him as if she didn't blame him.
"In order to live on, we have to die sometimes. The person you killed in that tower was your old self. Bury him deep underground, go to his tombstone, remember him as a lesson. But he doesn't belong in your life anymore. It was someone else and you said goodbye to him.'
Thomas lowered his head as if he didn't share the same opinion with her. He needed to get back on his feet as quickly as possible to start doing something. He couldn't just sit back and do nothing when he had so much work to do.
"Don't seek out people who need help just because you want to fix what happened. Be patient, wait and those people will get in your way or come to you themselves.
Although both were silent, the surroundings spoke for them. Sometimes just the sound of water, birds singing and the rays of the sun can energize us more than sleep. It was warm, but even so, Thomas wrapped himself more tightly in the blanket as his body shuddered again from the sudden cold. He had nothing to say, he had no way to answer himself, so how could he answer her?
"Thanks, Aneth."
"For what?"
"For living," he said simply, and did not speak again that day.
The next morning, Faol left. Thomas began to recover, trying to walk, move, stay in the sun and fresh air. But most of all he needed to talk to Faol about his decision. And he left just then.
"He received an urgent letter from Lordaeron City," Nurse Elin told him as she brought him some herbal tea. “A request from King Terenas. We don't know more, but he will definitely be back. By then you will be able to walk on your own. You heal very quickly.”
With only the Light's help, Thomas thought, I would be able to stand on my own two feet for a very long time. He just nodded in response and let his sister go. Urgent request? What could it be? Surely he would find out, yes, but if it was something important, could he help in any way?
All that bothered him these past few days was the promise he made to himself. He thought too much, and that's never good for anyone. He felt that he didn't have nearly as much life time as he needed to fix what he should have. He was starting to feel like he wasn't keeping up, and for the next fifty years of his life, if he lived to that age at all, he would only be accumulating debt. A debt that one cannot repay is a good prospect in life... But on the other hand, it can force us to decide as soon as possible which path we will take and that we will follow it all our lives, we will not rest, we will not sit down, we will not have time for no fun, for we have sworn to do all that is asked of us and must be done.
This time he asked the sister if he could take his clothes and start moving around the monastery. Elin didn't want to let him at first, but when Thomas promised to take care of himself, she brought him his spare clothes from his chamber. As soon as he had dressed himself in the rough cassock he felt strange, just as any sick person only becomes really aware of his indisposition when he changes from his comfortable nightgown to the clothes of everyday wear.
Despite the unpleasant feeling of alternating cold and hot flashes, he made his way to the scriptorium. He felt terribly slowed down and like his thoughts weren't even flowing as fast as he needed them to. But nothing moves the mind better than books.
The archbishop arrived the next day late in the afternoon. Thomas seemed to sense it long before he heard it from anyone.
He carefully closed the book, which he was able to read much more fluently than the first, and returned it to the shelf among the others. He didn't know why, but he went to the stable, as if he had an inkling that he would find the archbishop there.
When he entered the warm stables, he seemed relieved. He passed between the boxes and followed the muffled voices that guided him.
The church did not own many horses. They were only there for emergencies, when the priests had to cover a great distance in much less time than they would have been able to walk.
When he reached the end of the stables, he encountered Faolo and another, a very old man who apparently worked as a horse keeper. He might have been in his sixties, which was a blessed age for that time. His cheeks were sunken, his hair thinning, and in his wrinkled hands he held the bridle of the horse that Faol had just dismounted.
"May the Light guide your steps, Thomas," Faol greeted him as he spotted him. His eyes were bright as always, but the smile he gave him was worried and sad. "I'm glad you're better now."
"Yours too," Thomas replied. "How was the meeting in Lordaeron City?" he asked.
"I don't want to cause panic, but I have bad news," he said worriedly. "Tercy here has heard it before, and I think everyone else should, including you."
Thomas appeared calm on the outside, which was actually just his long-term exhaustion, from which he was recovering only very slowly, and not his inner state of mind.
"What news?"
Faol took a breath as if it was weighing heavily on himself and finally said, "Stormwind has fallen."
A lot of information came in and Thomas was beginning to feel that he knew nothing about the world until now, and he hadn't missed much until now. Stratholme and perhaps its surroundings filled his entire horizon, but he never got beyond the river Thondroril. With the news coming in, he was beginning to find that he knew less and less.
He discovered that there was another human kingdom in the south of the Eastern Kingdoms, and within its territory was Northshire Abbey, an abbey that was in close contact with the Church of the Holy Light; in intermittent and sometimes imperceptible thanks to the immense distance, but still. He discovered that the continent he lives on is, after all, much larger than he could have imagined. He discovered that even the dwarves he rarely saw in Stratholme also had their kingdom in the snowy region of Dun Morogh, and that it was perhaps even larger and more imposing than Lordaeron City, which he had never set eyes on.
But the most serious realization came when Faol summoned all the Order's brothers and sisters to the chapter hall and informed them that Stormwind, a kingdom he had only heard of today, had gone up in flames. He didn't know the kingdom, but he wanted to know more. He wanted to know what happened. And he learned that too. But it was even more incomprehensible and shed no light on the situation.
“Anduin Lothar, Knight of Stormwind has led the survivors across the sea to us and is asking for help. And we will provide it to him. A part of you goes to Southshore to take care of the survivors. But there is an even more pressing problem. Those beings who came through the portal in the swamps to our world are responsible for the fall of Stormwind. And they will certainly soon appear on our shores as well.”
“So what are we going to do? We are not warriors. We can only provide assistance to the militia and army of Lordaeron if they come to fight,” said someone from the crowd.
“No, we're not warriors with a weapon, you're right brother.” Faol smiled, suddenly looking determined again. "But we can fight differently. We know how to protect the people and offer them shelter, and that is more than fighting with weapons."
For the rest of the day, Faol talked about how to approach the problem, how to react and what to do. Many of them were to go to Southshore the very next day to take care of the survivors of Stormwind and some would stay to be ready to help Lordaeron. The Church of Light was not as closed as it might seem. She tried to help wherever she could to spread the power of the Light. And that meant joining the war as well. This was no longer just a matter for the other kingdoms but for everyone. This was their world and it was up to them to take it.
As everyone began to disperse to prepare for tomorrow's journey, Thomas was the only one left to question Faol.
The archbishop looked for him with his eyes and smiled encouragingly.
"You want to know what you're going to do, Thomas?" Faol asked.
“Yes, father. I'm fine now, I swear.'
“It's not about whether you're okay or not, Thomas. I just don't know where to put you. You are not a healer, nor a fighter… at least not yet. But you really want to help someone. To anyone. And that's good. This is one of the things that can propel us forward for many years,” Faol told him, placing a hand on his shoulder that was higher than his own. "But if we're too eager to give out help, it often backfires."
"Yes, that's what Aneth told me. I've had plenty of time to think, Father. I just want to find out where my place is.'
"Once you find your place, you find yourself. But you have to find it yourself. But I'm sure you'll find it and still play a role. I don't know what, but you will play it when your time comes.'
Thomas sighed secretly. The groping in the dark continued. "And where will you go, father?"
“I have to visit some friends of mine. I thought of something…something that might help Anduin Lothar in his endeavours.” He tapped his shoulder encouragingly. "Head up. Each of us sought our destiny. Some took longer, some found it right away. But if I may ask you something… have you ever spoken to a dwarf before?'
"I've never struck up a conversation with one, though I've met two in my entire life at Stratholme," Thomas admitted. “I don't think I could talk to them if I can't even talk to people. People are difficult for me... I'm going to be difficult too.
Faol couldn't help but laugh. “Couldn't have said it better, Thomas. There is nothing more complex than the human mind and soul. But to get to the point: maybe you'll get along a little better with the dwarves. Their hearts are in the right place.”
"What are you getting at, father?"
“One of Bronzebeard's brothers, Muradin, brother of King Magni of Khaz Modan, has been in contact with Lordaeron for some years now. Dwarves don't usually meddle in human affairs, but Muradin gives us information about the state of his kingdom just as we give him information about ours. It is a purely friendly and trusting relationship. But he hasn't called in the past months and today at least I found out why. King Terenas told me even before the emergency meeting that Lothar was going to send messengers to Ironforge. And I would like to see to the safety of their journey.”
"You want me to go?" Thomas stared at him in utter shock. “But I am not a priest or a warrior. I don't know what use I could be.'
"The decision is entirely up to you. You asked if I could be of help and I told you. Unlike Lordaeron, Ironforge is less likely to know about your past… if the situation calls for you to stay longer.
"Yes, sir, I appreciate it, but… I'm really of no use."
“If you don't know it yourself, then it's high time you find out, what do you think?” Faol took his hand in his hands in a friendly way. "No one is forcing you to get involved in the war. But I know you want to help. I leave the next day with five other brothers for Lordaeron City to offer Lothar help. And I would like the messengers to get the same help.”
Thomas really didn't know what he could do. He could read, he could write, but the Light did not listen to him, even though he believed in him, because he saw him and saved him from death; it brought him back through the tangled tunnel leading to life after life. He might be able to fight, but he didn't want to wake up what was long dead. Who knows if all his efforts would crumble like a house of cards if he got into the tumult of battle. But no… he won't let it go that far this time.
He looked at Faolo and said, “I will go, father. I will try not to disappoint you.'
"I know you won't let me down. More like an attempt not to disappoint myself.” He smiled at him and let him go. "But now I really have to go. Let the Light guide your steps.”
"And yours, father."
Thomas remained alone in the chapter house. He who does nothing, spoils nothing. But he would have to follow that for the rest of his life, and he didn't want that. He had already decided in advance that he would obey Faola. Even if he had to go to Ironforge alone, he would. He didn't have anyone here and he wouldn't miss anyone… maybe only Aneth, but at least he'll tell her where he's going. He didn't want her to go with him. She had already sacrificed enough for him. But along with Faol, she was the only one who would miss him, and he would miss them too.
A day passed and Faol did not appear. Not that Thomas was looking for him, knowing he had a lot to do, but he was getting more and more nervous every day. He was to meet the messengers and secure their safe passage to places he did not know and he did not know how he would manage.
With only a spare cassock to pack and the comb Aneth had given him to start styling his hair, which by then reached below his shoulders, he had time to spare. And he dedicated it to study in the scriptorium. He judged that it would be a good idea to find out more about Stormwind, Khaz Modan, and the Kingdom of Lordaeron. He knew next to nothing and it was about time he began to study the world he lived in and which was now in imminent danger. Who knows when he will be able to get hold of such books, and he found it inappropriate to ask where and whom in his free time about things that were perfectly clear and obvious to others.
He found the book Pedigrees of the Human Kings, then The War of the Three Hammers, discussing the division of the dwarven race called Anvilmar into three separate ones. He studied the map of Lordaeron, finding the history of the entire kingdom from the founding of the first cities and the laying of the foundation stone of Lordaeron City to the construction of the last roads and the bridge over the river Thondroril.
Sometimes he was awakened from reading only by the first stroke of three o'clock in the morning, and then he remembered that he should put the books back in their places and go to bed. After spending several days in the infirmary, he was more than rested. He didn't even have frequent bouts of heat and cold at the same time, whenever he stood up suddenly or shifted a little.
As soon as the second day came after Faola had gone somewhere away, one of the healers sought him out.
“Good afternoon, brother,” the middle-aged healer greeted him.
"Good for you too," Thomas replied, and knowing that Faol was probably back by now, snapped the tome shut and returned it to the shelf.
"The group is leaving for the capital shortly. The Archbishop asks if you have changed your mind.'
"He didn't change his mind," Thomas replied simply.
"Okay," the healer nodded, "then come to the courtyard in half an hour." He said goodbye and left.
Thomas preferred not to think about whether it was a good idea to rush into such an event, but he couldn't stay here any longer. What would be the point of his repentance and his efforts to change if he remained locked up here while the world drowned in war.
Even though it was still afternoon and the sun was shining in the sky, it was clear that autumn was already in full swing. If Thomas hadn't been hardy and had not been used to harsh conditions from his early childhood, where he could rarely warm himself by a blazing fire, he would certainly have gotten goosebumps.
He did not find Faola in the courtyard in front of the fountain, but someone was waiting for him, whom he was secretly waiting for.
"Aneth, what are you doing here?" he asked. He was in such shock that he forgot to salute as was proper among priests.
The priestess held the reins of two horses and gave him a knowing look. She was dressed in light traveling clothes, a bag slung over her shoulder.
"I hope you didn't think you'd be going alone and unsupervised." She smiled at him and held out her hand with his horse's bridle.
Thomas came up to her and only cautiously took over the trampling grouse. "I thought more priests would go."
"No. Many of them have families here and have a strong bond with this kingdom. I'm a convent inmate, my mother sent me here when I was five and I haven't seen her since. I am at home wherever there is Light. I also owe the Archbishop a lot. And that's why I'll watch over you.” She put her boot in the stirrup and swung into the saddle. It was unbecoming of a woman to straddle a horse, but Aneth had learned long ago that sometimes it was better to break convention in order to get somewhere on time. Besides, she wasn't wearing a healer's robe, but linen pants with a slit skirt over them.
"Can you ride a horse?" she asked when she realized it.
Thomas looked uncertainly at the horse, who was looking at him questioningly. "I think not."
"Step up to him from the left, left foot in stirrup, brace and swing right over the saddle," Aneth instructed him patiently. She didn't know how else to teach him, but she believed that Thomas could learn to ride on the go as he did most of the other things he learned.
Thomas took a deep breath, planted his foot in the stirrup, gripped the stock and tried to stand up in the stirrup. He succeeded, but he felt that he was not yet in his own skin. He felt dizzy, but before he could fall to the ground, he managed to swing his leg in front of the saddle and place it in the other stirrup.
“Good, very good! Grab the bridle so that it is stretched. It must not be loose or you will have no control over the horse and you will fall if it spooks.'
Thomas did so, wrapping the bridle around his hands so that they were outstretched. It was only now that he was sitting on the horse that he realized how big the animal was.
"Tense your back and squeeze the saddle of your thighs. Okay, are you feeling more confident?'
Thomas looked very unhappy, which said it all.
"They can tell when you're scared," she warned him and had to laugh when a forced look of complete calm crossed his face. "This is going to be an interesting journey. In two days we must arrive at Lordaeron City. Looks like I can at least teach you to trot today.'
She spurred the horse into a step and Thomas copied her movements. The horse began to move and if it wasn't for Thomas's reflex that he began to imitate the movements of the large animal, he would surely have fallen immediately. He couldn't imagine learning to ride a horse in such a short time.
During the trip, Thomas learned not only to trot but also to gallop. As it seemed, he seemed to have a natural coordination of movement when it came to riding a horse. He had never ridden one, but he was able to learn to drive and dismount within perhaps an hour of the ride. You could tell he wasn't quite sure yet, but the longer they rode, the more fluid his movements became. He also briefly tried the canter, but as he didn't want to switch horses, he quickly switched back to the trot.
Aneth watched him the whole way and couldn't help but wonder if he was the son of a knight or someone more important. Like he had a lot of things in his blood. But it will never happen, and even if it does, some things are better not known.
When they went back into step so that the horses could rest after a while, they began to talk. Aneth told him that Faol had left much earlier that day with the other five chosen for Lordaeron City. He mentioned to someone in passing that he had long toyed with the idea of creating a new order that would combine the abilities of priests and warriors. Thomas paused briefly at this, but said nothing further.
They passed through Corin's Crossing, stopping only for a moment to feed and water the horses, and set off again. Later they also passed the smaller village of Darrowshire, which was located not far from the river. The trees of Darrowmer Forest provided them with leeward even in these cold months, and only the branches bent in the topmost crowns in the wind, making a soothing rustling sound.
When they reached the Thondroril River that separated Darrowmer Forest from the Tirisfal Glades, they dismounted to rest. Aneth instructed Thomas to always remove the halter from the horses when they wanted to drink by the river and graze a bit in the meadow. As neither of them expected, it was as if the barrier of insecurity between them melted away and they spent all the time they were waiting for the horses to be harnessed and grazed in conversation. Meanwhile, it was slowly getting dark.
Thomas would ask Aneth questions about Lordaeron and the other kingdoms and Aneth would answer. They both knew that discussing the other's past wasn't the best idea, so they only talked about more general things. They spoke of Faol, the Church of the Holy Light, and the Light itself. Then they continued on. It was already dark, but they decided to at least reach Andorhal, where the horses would be stabled and they themselves would rest for the night. Thomas was initially worried about how he would pay for lodging and stables when they had no money, but as soon as they entered the city, even some of the city guards asked the priestess for her blessing. If it was daytime, Thomas wouldn't doubt that a crowd of small children wouldn't be running around the priestess.
As the priestess gave the blessing and the Light that shone around her palms and looked like daylight, Thomas fully understood why all money goes aside before the Holy Light. Just looking at that glow was comforting and he was relieved of the pressure of realizing what he had done and that he had a lot of work to do before he could atone for it all.
When they stabled the horses and found lodgings for the night, Thomas began to wish that he too could find such a way to the Light. If he wasn't so tired from the day's ride, he would definitely think about it until the morning.
The next day around noon, the guards on the walls of Lordaeron City saw two horsemen arrive in the cassocks of the Church of the Holy Light. King Terenas had given the order to double the patrols and vigilance, but when they saw the two priests coming, or rather the priestess and her entourage, if nothing else, they let them through without a problem.
As they entered through the gate into the vast courtyard, into which the roads led from the streets of the majestic city, Thomas halted his horse and stood still almost with his mouth open. The city was busy, there were markets, children ran between the stopped carriages and people hardly stopped. He never thought he would see such a huge city. Stratholme wasn't small and was claimed to be the second largest city in the Lordaeron Empire, but Lordaeron City took his breath away.
Only Aneth woke him up from his complete stupor, who just jumped off the horse and grabbed his calf. Thomas jerked violently due to the instilled reflexes of a wild nature, but immediately calmed down.
"We'll take the horses to the stables and go find the messengers," she informed him. "Then we'll go with them."
Thomas nodded and slowly dismounted his horse and gripped his bridle. With the hustle and bustle of the capital, he might get scared. Together they weaved their way through the streets and alleys until they reached the stables. There they left the horses with a message that they would pick them up again during the day.
As they weaved their way through the crowd, Thomas felt wonderful in such a bustle, for despite his tall and gaunt appearance he managed to get lost. He let Aneth guide him as she certainly had more awareness of where to go and how to find the messengers.
They found them in the courtyard in front of the castle. There were only two, one middle-aged and the other a few years younger. When they saw them, they immediately stood to attention and saluted them.
"We were afraid that we would go alone," the older messenger confided to them. "It's very generous of the Archbishop to send you with us."
"It's a small thing," Aneth smiled. "When are you going to leave?"
The two messengers looked at each other. "A few hours ago we finished the preparations. We can leave now.”
Aneth nodded. "Then we'll leave at once."
And so they set off.